Last Day as a Teen

Tomorrow I turn 20. Really, I've been assuming I'm 20 for a few days now, but this is truly the last night of my teenager years. Weird.

Let's look at what I've done during my 19th year of life...

• Met a lot of new people
• Finished two years of college requirement Spanish
• Finished a year of college, in general
• Ran a half marathon
• Let my Type A personality out
• Transferred to U of O
• Moved into my first apartment
• Baked a good deal of bread
• Ran a marathon

Well! I think that's a pretty good list, don't you? Hopefully my first year of twenties will be just as exciting!

In other news, I participated in my first APO service program! It was fun, and I was able to dress up. Always a plus.
Had my first midterm of the term too. I was terrified... but then I felt amazing. I knew all of the things on the test. Let's just see how that turns out.

What was your last year as a teen like? When did you realize that the twenties weren't old?

Life, Death, and Accomplishments

Today was my long run day. Whenever I go for long runs, I like to think about a lot of different topics. The main topics in question today were about life, death, and accomplishments.

What brought on the thoughts about life and death, you may ask? Well, because of the ability to view things instantly on Netflicks, I've recently started to watch the show Dexter. Which it turns out, is very addicting. The funny thing about shows like Dexter are that it's not the characters so much that freak me out, but the writers. I mean, they think up all of these ideas for killers, disposing of the body, horrifying death techniques... What a thing to be able to conjure up in your mind. I think they're all pretty brilliant, but it's terrifying that they can come up with so many of these horrendous situations. I digress.

I wouldn't say that I'm scared of death. What freaks me out is the unknown of after death. There are so many theories, beliefs and ideas of what happens after death, it's hard to sort them all out. Being raised with some spiritual views, I'd like to believe that there really is an afterlife, a positive settings. However at the same time, my mind thrives on facts. I don't like going with one idea unless I know that it's the correct answer 100%. This is the same reason that on tests I'm so bad at going back and forth between answers.
Still, I think there's another part of death that worries me as well. It's the not knowing when it's going to happen. If I were given the option of finding out when I was going to die, I wouldn't take that offer, but it's still scary not knowing when it's going to happen. People want to be about to achieve as much as possible before they die, and I'm no exception. I think that's why I crave getting things done so quickly, it's because I want to have time to do the next thing. If I get done with school faster, it'll give me more time to do other things in my life.
I know they say to live in the moment, but I'm always looking towards the future. It's really not that great of a habit, because sooner than later I'm going to be looking at the past thinking, "What happened then?" I think the only time I really live in the moment is when I'm going for runs, and even then I sometimes think of things in the future. For the most part though, running is my living in the moment. I just don't realize it until I start.

So, yeah. That's what's was on my mind for today's run. Hopefully I didn't scare all of you off. Other than that... Been unproductive.

What are your opinions on life and death?

The Reactions to Exercise, Emotional Shopping and Feeling Good

Ah, what a day! Went by pretty fast, didn't it?

Today was my extremely relaxed day of the week for me, and it certainly seemed to stay that way. I suppose I wasn't too productive today, but I felt pretty productive when I got an early morning run in. Even if the rest of the day doesn't include much, you feel like you've accomplished so much when you squeeze in a workout earlier in the day.

It's funny how drastically different reactions can be from people when you are exercising.
For instance, I was on a run a few days ago when a little boy asked his mom, "Why is she running?" The mom cheerfully replied, "It's for exercise!" It was a cute little reaction that I had never gotten before, but on that same run I received some not so nice comments as well. On the way back home from my run, a car crammed full of meat heads drove by. I should have realized there would be trouble as soon as I saw them, but didn't think about until I heard, "Show me your titties!" ...Yeah. And I was starting to thing there weren't the prick stereotypes that every other college has, but these guys proved me wrong.
The reactions you get from people when you exercise are so varied, you can never be sure just what to expect. I've received kind smiles and evil glares. I've gotten the "Good Mornings!" and the grumbles. It's just one of those weird things about the world, isn't it?

I have a confession: Recently, while I was feeling a little down I did a bit of emotional shopping. This is a crazy concept for me, because I hardly like to spend money in general. However, emotion got the better of me, and today I was greeted with this little package:

I've always liked puzzle pieces, and I like thinking about where they fit. It might sound kind of goofy, but it makes me think about just where do I fit in this big ol' world. I know that I'm needed for something, I just don't know what that is yet.

Today was just a happy day. There's one big reason why, but that's information for a later post.
Now I'm a little worried about a Spanish exam tomorrow, and also the fact that I can't find my Spanish workbook. I can study from the textbook, but I'm going to need that workbook later... Wish me luck in finding it!

Have you ever been an emotional shopper? What did you buy because of it?

(Oh, also random last bit of info: A himation is from the Greeks and has less fabric, the toga is from the Romans and has a ton of fabric. Now you know!)

Old Friends, Old Setbacks

My dad is watching The Proposal right now. I think it's safe to say that living in a house full of females for more than two decades has melted his masculinity. I wish I liked that movie more, but I just don't feel like Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds have enough time to actually form their relationship into love. Yes, this is me over thinking a movie.

Today I dined with two of my old friends for lunch. Being with them brought back feelings I wished I didn't have. Feelings of... inadequacy.

The weird thing is while I was talking I realized I've been doing some really great things. I did well for myself first term, I've been working hard at making my life into something special. Heck, I'm training for a half marathon! Yet in the presence of these friends, I feel unaccomplished. It could be their expressions, their tone of voice, the way they talk about their lives. Strange thing was, when I thought about it later I realized that only one of the friends was like this, and it was the one who I used to be closer to. She felt pretentious, really. The friend who was more distant before seemed interested, and made the conversation feel more equal.

What do we do about these friends? I've started to learn that I shouldn't hang out with people that make me feel like a lower life form. It's just strange because I've been close to this friend for a long time. Is it better to have a friend who makes you feel like a loser or to lose a friend that you've created many great memories with? It's a hard thing to decide.

I woke up at 11 today. That is the latest I have woken up in a freakin' long time. Wonder how much later I'll wake up this break. This might mess with my 8:00 am classes next term.