Digging through the past

I was so close. Close to having a good chunk of my things packed up. Close to actually having walking room on the floor of my bedroom. Then I got to what I call The Art Box. Packed up in a specific box last summer, the art box contained quite a few sketchbooks, and hundreds of pieces of paper. All with drawings on them. Somehow, this lead to a cleansing of the pile. Every so often (it's about every year), I go through the pile of drawings, and look to see which ones I don't like anymore. Sure, I see plenty that have awful proportions but that's not what matters. What matters is if the drawings bring out certain memories and such. Some do, some don't.

As I've said before, I used to be a major art person. I even became art student of the year at my high school. That's what makes it so weird to think I never draw these days. I mean, it was a huge part of my life for years! Where did that go?

Most of the time, I don't think about it but going through the pile made me miss it. Along with drawing, there were multiple characters I created and some had very detailed stories. Sure a few of them were ridiculous, but I grew attached. ...it's an art kid thing.

There are some things that I don't think I'll ever return to from my past, but hopefully I can get some of my art self back.

What's something you used to do all of the time that you never do anymore? Why not?

Random Thoughts, Art Displays and School Worries

My room mate never seems to turn the light on whenever she's in the room. If I turn on the light if I'm in the room before her, it's fine, but she never turns it on if she's in the room. I wonder why this is. I would say perhaps it's an emotional thing, but it could also be because she's lazy. I can not say.

I don't think I'm cool enough to be in my age group, or at least a college student. That is because I do not own a pair of TOMS. Perhaps something to invest in in the future? We'll see.

I've had two opposing dreams about the same test. In one of the dreams, I received a D on the test, and it was terrible. The other dream, I received 100%. Both of these ideas I knew were delusions, but I was still stressing until I got the test back today. I ended up doing quite well, but not that well.

Random thoughts that pass through my head like this make me think I should get a Twitter, because that's basically what it is, right? Then I go through the struggles of trying to think of a good name, and pass the idea by.

One thing that I'm definitely going to miss about this campus are the awesome art projects that the art students put outside of the art building from time to time.

Many of the things I have seen I would like to steal away for myself...

...but you knew that.

On the subject of schools, for I think the first time on Friday I became terrified of transferring schools. It could be possibly because of the feeling sick factors coming into play, but I think it's a lot more than that. For instance, I'm worried that I'm going to get lost all of the time. I'll be late to classes, and be locked out or something. Also, I've done quite well in school at WOU, but how am I going to do at U of O? With bigger classes, will they be a lot harder for me? Will I be completely forgotten in the classroom setting? I really don't think I'd like that. One of the bigger things that I should be worrying about is living arrangements, but I've been worrying more about getting projects for school done right now. Livin' in the moment I guess... except for those other worries.

It is Monday, so I guess the lesson for the day is... from Bridesmaids. That lesson is food poisoning is kind of like that, except maybe less graphic.
Yeah, don't have much in that subject. And I'm done talking about food poisoning now.

How do you deal with the fear of the unknown future?

Changes in Myself, Considering Yourself a Runner, and Differences in Running Practices

I remembered one of the other things that I need to get done in the future: Get a haircut. My hair is getting really long, and something new needs to occur.

Today I thought about how much I've changed since just last year. It's crazy. Last year I was known as the art chick, the girl who was the only non-stoner among stoners. I didn't get that great of grades. Now, I get really good grades. I'm a girl who runs a lot. Plus the thing is, I feel like I've changed mentally. Sure, there are a lot of habits that I have that I've always had, but somehow I know that how I think about certain things is very different. When mentioning that I'd changed from "That art chick" to "That girl that runs a lot", I was greeted with,
"Well that's not much better."
... Um, excuse me? What the hell does that mean? I'll let you know that running is amazing, thank you very much!

Since I'm on the subject of running, I also thought about my standing as a runner today.

Somehow, it sort of feels like I can't really call myself a runner still, but then I think about what that means. I don't go more than a day without running. I make sure that I schedule time for certain runs during the week. I think about how far I can go. I talk about running far too often. Still, I start to think, "I'm not a runner. I don't run as much as other people do, and I don't care so much about speed."
The mileage thing worries me in training, because I've heard of some people running a ton a miles before things. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of training schedules that say I'm doing just fine. Really, what does that matter? I care about running. I run a decent amount. I should feel proud to say that indeed, I am a runner.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this here in the blog, but I have ran on a cross country team since middle school. Sure, I ran back then, but I was never very into it back then. I started to wonder, "Why do I like to run so much now?", and the answer is simple: Competition.
I hate running with other people, because I'm always comparing myself to then. If I'm running too fast, I look like a jerk. If I'm running too slow, I look like a loser. Running with my sister? Probably one of the worst ideas. Especially since one thing I happen to do is breathe quite heavily. Sure, it may sound bad, but that's just how I breathe. However, when I'm running with my sister and I'm breathing heavily, this happens:
Chloe: "Jeez, why the heck are you breathing so hard?"
Me: *tries to stop breathing so hard, ends up hyperventilating*
It's not a good cycle. When I run, it's not for periods of time. It's for miles. I've read both ways of running are good. I simply prefer my way.

This summer, I think I'm going to try running with people again. I may be slower, but it'll be nice to have company for longer runs if I do. Who knows? Maybe they'll push me to go faster.

I think I've either hit or gone over 500 miles in these shoes. Dangit, I didn't want to get new ones, but I'm pretty sure I need to. Goodness!

On a final note, I really want this:

An art student made it, and it's currently on display outside of the art building. I want it. I can set it in my dorm!

When was the last time you realized you've changed a lot? How did you change?