Making Decisions

I am a very indecisive person. I don't know how, but I think I've gotten more indecisive as I've gotten older.
You might think that being indecisive means that I don't like planning things out. Obviously, this isn't true as I've talked about the many ways I like to organize my life. I don't know how these two things work together, but they do. It happens. Although I'm indecisive, I'll usually speak up if no one can make up their mind for what to do. "I dunno, what do you want to do?" only gets you so far. I dealt with that crap for far too long in high school.

This indecisiveness comes more with choices than actually taking action. Take restaurants for example. I almost always want to try something new, but I can never decide just what I want. What taste is my tongue craving for the evening? What if I make the wrong decision? Common sense would tell my brain that this is not a life or death situation, but common sense does not exist when it comes to a restaurant menu.

I have gotten many death glares from my sister because of this trait. On the opposite side of the spectrum, my sister is extremely decisive. She knows what she wants. She knows what she likes. And she wants the meal as soon as possible, which doesn't work with my indecisive ass.
I hate to make a waiter wait. It's rude. That's why I always say, "Come to me last." Because I base my choice on what others get. I choose something different, so we can trade tastes. Usually, the people I eat with are on the same sharing page as I am, which is always nice.

The point is if I only get once chance to try something, it takes time for me to make a decision. Because I've got a bad case of the "What ifs?".

This all brings me to a notebook. A notebook? Yes, a notebook.

Remember that little notebook that I write things to do with my life in? Well, I have one. Or I should say had one, because that little sucker got filled up. I needed a new notebook, but what kind to get? The notebook would be with me for awhile, so it has to be just right.
You know how I talked about indecisiveness? I went to the bookstore at least five times comparing different notebooks. The size, the writing space, the prices, the looks... Ridiculous, I know. However in the end I got my notebook and it's quite lovely.

Yup. It looks a bit yellow because of the light, but it's a nice shade of blue. May I take on many adventures.

Are you indecisive or very decisive?

Fair Days, Making Decisions, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes

My body doesn't realize that Fridays are rest days. Apparently, neither does my mind.

The local county fair has been going on this week, and today was my day to go to it. I recruited two of my guy pals to come, and to hopefully recruit more people as well. It ended up only being us three, but it was still fun.
I like group things, what can I say?
Fairs... They're never really that exciting. Truthfully, you go in hopes of seeing people you know, and maybe looking at the silly animals. Wandering is what we did.
One of the qualities that seems to be missing from my age group is the ability to be able to make decisions. My two friends are not exceptions. Somehow, I ended up making every decision of the day, making my vision of myself a lot less dependent than I thought. I felt kind of like a wife or girlfriend dragging her boyfriend(s?) around while shopping. You know the image, right? We managed to go through everything the fair had to offer, including seeing a freakin' tiger.
Why was there a tiger there? I have no idea, but it was sweet.
And there was what we though was some mutated rabbit.

After going around to everything, we realized there wasn't anything else to do. So we left, ate a late lunch in town, went in a guitar store that Aaron wanted to poke around in, and saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

As for the verdict of the movie? It was pretty good, thought there was going to be more monkey battle mayhem. Still, good and entertaining. Strangely enough, there were a few parts where I was thinking:

"Ha, that's kind of funny. Wait, am I supposed to think that's funny? ...I actually think I'm supposed to think that's funny."

Plus, if you've seen one of the two original Planet of the Apes movies (which you should anyway before you see this movie), you'll see two homages to the films before. One is extremely obvious, which is the classic line from the original, the other you see and simply smirk at.

Oh, and before I did any fair-ing today, I stopped by Market of Choice to pick up a few things... including some fancy cheese. Hopefully that will see the light of day soon.

On a final note, I've just got to say one more thing about apes. Orangutans are my favorite ape ever. I think it's because 1. They are orange, and I dig orange; 2. They have flat faces which I didn't think I cared about but then I realized I apparently have a thing for animals with flat faces. And the biggest one 3. They remind me of Buddhas. They are the Buddhas of the apes.

Are you the decisive one in your group, or are you the wishy washy one?

Getting Back to the Grind, Things I Have Learned From Fictional Characters, and Upcoming Decisions

No holidays for quite some time now! That's probably a good thing, but I can't help getting excited for the next one. Well... maybe I can. Right now I'm in the mood to get to the grind. Makes me feel more centered, ya know? Let's see, the next holiday is... Mother's Day? Then Memorial Day, then the end of school!

Since it is indeed Monday, I have a little bit of knowledge that I have gained from fictional characters once again. This lesson I have learned from many shows and stories in the past, but the lesson came up again when I saw the show Wicked.
Spoiling a little bit of the story, there is a part in which Elphaba who is on the run goes to the home of her sister. Now, throughout the whole story we've seen Elphaba be a worried and doting sister. She cares for her sister a lot, but especially since her sister is in a wheelchair. In return, Nessarose, the sister, goes through angry teen rebellion and disregards any kindness her sister has bestowed upon her. Back to the present situation, Elphaba has been learning some pretty sweet sorcery, so she figures out a way make her sister walk. Does Nessarose shower her sister with love and affection? No! She's still a bitch, and blames her sister for actions that she causes 5 minutes in the future.

It may not seem like it, but there is a lesson in this whole scenario. That lesson is that truthfully, you can't change people. They are how they are, and most likely that's how they'll always be.

"But Hannah," you may ask, "Aren't there a bunch of fictional stories out there where a character has a change of heart? Like the Grinch?"

Yes, I suppose that's true. Also, I'd wonder why you couldn't think of another example. (That's all I could think of at the moment.) I realize that there are so many stories where a character gets a makeover, completely remakes themselves... Yet, I've also seen endings to many of these stories where the character goes back to the way they were before, or incorporates their new habits into their old lifestyle. Humans are stubborn on change.

Psychology has proven that point to me even more, as we've been learning about happiness. There are studies on people winning the lottery or getting in horrendous accidents. The studies show that despite the winnings, they aren't usually happier. Or, the people in the accidents are still quite positive.

It's good to make little habits of change, and it can be completely possible. These things tend to be over time. However, doing a total 180 on yourself or someone else isn't very likely. That's why they say people shouldn't go into a relationship thinking, "Despite the long history of violence, my loving heart can change them!" ...That doesn't always turn out for the best.

I'm very excited for summer being so close! Still... there are things that I'm having trouble deciding. I'm trying to get better with the over thinking, but it's so hard. Just go with it Hannah. Seriously.

Have you ever tried to change someone? How did it turn out?